In total, I’ve seen a bunch of tipsters all starting the same line of chatter: “Well, I received my stimulus check, and I spent about $100 at every major porn store on the web. I’ve gotta say, it’s not too shabby, huh?”
In a recent study, one lad stumbled upon an online porn store in the West Seattle neighborhood that was successfully replacing cash-adrift dads with zzzdchins. Yes, you heard that right: adult video sales may just be the next trigger that starts the “recovery.” (If you don’t get the full force of that headline, you’re probably in the minority: Only about 1 in 4 people get a stimulus check, and about half of them (42%) spend it on groceries.)
The other top cash-out got 40% on Home Depot, 18% at Southwest ATMs, 16% at Subway (this pizza company? Not)! If you weren’t planning on robbing a bank with your stimulus check, you might think some of these numbers were way off the mark. But apparently, new Starbucks machines in Gresham, Oregon caught the tipster’s eye and he claims he spent 40% of his recovery check on coffee beans. No big deal: he knew it was bonus time.
When it comes to some of those other numbers, it looks like Americans are being crazy about trolling eBay. Apparently, it’s a big deal when a gift card is stolen out of your name. More to the point: it really hits the weekly news when Americans spend 10% of their stimulus check on eBay. That means we’re definitely in the middle of a “price war” amongst Internet e-commerce giants. (You really can’t buy the same stuff on Amazon as you can on eBay.com anymore. Too big a market share for Amazon, reportedly.)
Not surprisingly, it doesn’t matter if you’re actually living in a red or blue state, Americans are buying LOTS of content from Supercorn. So much so that the e-tail giant added 1,000 more workers to its production lines so it could keep up with the orders.
They also ended up doing a deal with EA Sports to get the coveted EASports video game franchises. Which means Supercorn is the new beneficiary of a cash infusion not just in Seattle but all over the country. Sure, it’s not going to produce films or share the proceeds with 20th Century Fox, but surely, that’s right?
When you look deeper, you see that economic analysts around the nation are quick to point out that someone with an unemployment check can afford to spend money on anything they want. The folks at the CBO (the Congressional Budget Office) even did a study that said that if you include parenting expenses like food and clothing, even the lowest-income household can easily end up spending money on something they don’t really need or wants. Sure, they’re feeling pretty bad right now, but what’s better than padding their wallets with high-quality supplements or pick-up lines for social media?
If money didn’t matter, the guy who paid $100 worth of porn to pornmakers probably wouldn’t have even used his stimulus check to shop around for cash at all.
Of course, we can’t deny that there are some economy-shocking moments to be had, like those Amazon packages with Amazon boxes disguised as bathing suits or those battery packs marked “garden tools” or those shirts on sale for 50% off at H&M. But that’s not to say that all of these stimulus-induced investments aren’t a gamble, and we can’t always lose a fortune.
Did you see the national hysteria when Macy’s shut down to save money? Did you really have $500 in your pocket when you went into a bank that had lost your debit card? Probably not! But if you spend your rebate, will you be sure you don’t totally blow it at home stretch on buying the all-time favorite pacifier at Babies-R-Us?
For the record, I’m all for quality electronic items and great stuff, but that shouldn’t make us all a bunch of idiot!